A safe place....

Sometimes I want to come and write something beautiful. Something that will reflect the Love and Joy in my life. But today as I sit here, calm and squeaky clean after a soothing hot shower and my favorite perfume lingering around me, I am forced into a contented honesty that bares all of how my day was. In fact it was not a bad day. It was a day of fellowship and friendship. A day of laughter and fun and sun. Ah but it is not what happens so much throughout the day as what happens in the fleeting moments of the day that seem to define it's swinging pendulum of emotions from one view point to another. It still amazes me how the smallest things can set me to anger. Good day and all it's descriptions aside, it is the volcanic anger that spewed from my heated lips that lingers like the burnt ash after a lava wash across a precious undeserving buried city that smolders in my mind with shame as I close out this evening. God knows that I am not a perfect woman and thank Him for that. I could not live up to that! However, it never feels good to look at the damage caused in the aftermath of the verbal disaster that I am not so sure is natural. There is so much for this heart to be cleansed from. I am so relieved that even though trying as I might for a clean start with the birth of a new day of a nap or a great shower, nothing is more cleansing than The Lords love for a little girl who needs to sit on her heavenly Fathers lap, cry out the shame and receive His forgiveness and give me a fresh start through Him! No promise to my self as I fall asleep. No false commitment to fight the fight alone, just curling up in his lap and letting Him sweep away the tears of shame that will be replaced with the soft kisses of a perfect God who tells me I am still loved in my brokenness.
Thank you Jesus

Your baby, Crystal